Another Dead End my Friend...

works

2011-05-09T12:37:00.001+10:00

I am a working man....zzzz

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Keep on Track

2010-12-26T11:32:00.000+11:00

Hm...definitely off track right there... hahaha, holidays are NEVER good for your diet. :D

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

The end of student life

2010-12-22T02:24:00.000+11:00

It's 2 in the morning, just finished making a post to the KITA blog. Tron Legacy soundtrack blasting off my speakers. Finally announced to my oldest mates about my degree classification and me returning home. Other than my mom, and a few close friends here, they're the first ones I've told publicly. This whole day has been quite a blur to me, I never really thought about it, or maybe I was just finding ways to avoid thinking about it, but I'm finally a certified engineer and it's scaring the living daylights out of me.

Not only was it four years in the making, but an entire lifetime up to now... my future is now decided, what I'm going to be doing for the next five years (or longer). No more books, no more study, no more freedom... did I work hard for it? was it all worth the trouble? Second Class honors Degree Classification... Not exactly something to be proud of but not exactly one to be disappointed of either. Yeah, I'm still afraid of what everyones reaction to it will be, mostly the "why not first class" remarks or looks. I give the impression that I don't care what people think (well at least I try to) but it is in fact my greatest weakness. Telling my mom that I got the official classification on the phone was quite hard, I kept trying not to break. I told her before it was official about not being able to get first class, she was okay with it, she was happy I passed with honors and got my degree. I love her for that, but I still felt bad nonetheless. I begged her not to tell my dad who's I'm the most scared and to disappoint. The basic conversation was repeated in the new call, and it was still hard. I know I'm not the same level as my peers, but it till burns however better I try to make myself feel.

I just have to deal with it I guess. Keep telling myself that. Enjoying my last free time as a student/graduate to take my mind off things. Making random trips and activities around Sydney. The last weeks have been great, might talk about it more in detail. Here's a little preview:

Is it a trap?

2010-11-10T19:44:00.001+11:00

Someone left their Sushi pack in the study area of the library. I am very tempted to steal it.

Wishery

2010-11-09T12:47:00.000+11:00

I can't get enough of this video:

If you all don't know by now, I'm an avid Disney and animation geek. I discovered pogo's music quite awhile ago. In my opinion, he's one of the most creative guys out there right now. He samples sounds and music from the movie/cartoon and creates something completely original and different. I'm still amazed at how beautiful the music and videos are. If this perks your interest, then you should also check out my other favorite videos from pogo as well: lost! and gardyn. Just check em out on youtube.

You can visit his official website here: www.pogomix.net

The last hurdle

2010-11-08T19:58:00.001+11:00

Three days til my last exam ever. Giving my all, wish me luck.

Drained

2010-10-25T23:12:00.000+11:00

I miss ___

Raya Break

2010-09-12T03:44:00.000+10:00

Everyone's a Critique

2010-09-07T14:18:00.002+10:00

I need to improve my guitar skillz~

Last Days of Ramadhan

2010-09-06T05:14:00.005+10:00

Still got less than a week left, I started back my nasty habit of smoking. To all those who haven't figured it out yet, yeah, I'm a smoker. I'm not proud of it, it's unhealthy, it stinks up my breath, and its a huge waste of money. I'm not a public smoker as well, I usually smoke alone, I don't find it cool. It's my quickfix stress reliever when I have too much things on my mind. I'm not one of those heavy smokers to say, I just have my smoking periods and then I will stop indefinitely until the urge suddenly appears.

Why am I picking now to openly admit it here? Well, this is the first steps of many to help encourage me to 'HONESTLY' blog my thoughts and feelings without worrying too much about what people will think. Looking back at my last few posts, its been too cryptic and censored and I just wanted to change that. =)

Looking for a fighting spirit

2010-08-04T23:13:00.002+10:00

Dang.... can't believe how easily it is to fall back to old habits/traits... and each time they seem to get worse and becomes even harder to escape. I make up all these excuses to why I'm doing them... hopelessly and disgustingly I do give up. Keep falling down so much, it gets harder and harder to get back up. People are unrealiable... fuck it....

What to do without internet?

2010-04-12T21:59:00.002+10:00

Staring contest with taz pillow.

Whats home to u?

2010-04-12T19:27:00.001+10:00

Whats home to u without a giant monkey with an oversized head?

Missing u

2010-04-11T22:01:00.001+10:00

Always

Goldcoast splurge

2010-04-09T12:28:00.001+10:00

I can totally pull off this spongebob look, XD

Final year.

2010-03-24T10:04:00.001+11:00

And im stil waking up late..

Breathe

2010-01-20T01:54:00.002+11:00

I felt the coolness of the water envelop my body, a sense of weightlessness taking over. I stared down through the blurry water. The faint image of my legs kicking above the pool floor appears before me. At that moment, the only thing I can hear is my slow deep breath, deafening everything else. Just me...floating in the pool, without a care in the world...bliss

Stability

2010-01-17T18:03:00.002+11:00

Broken bonds... empty promises... fruitless endeavours... longing... lonliness... worthlessness... apakah hikmahnya?

A different place....

2009-12-13T21:15:00.003+11:00

If it were before, i'd be sad. But now, after all that has happened, I wouldn't care less. Just saying that I've done all that could be done. Now, I've reached this point where I can just keep moving forward without tripping myself over. This is goodbye I guess, you know where to find me.

Need...

2009-11-29T01:27:00.000+11:00

...some will power.

Goodbye Sydney

2009-11-22T09:24:00.001+11:00

Two days~

2009-11-20T11:22:00.003+11:00

Hey everyone, sorry for the lack of updates as of late. Been busy with the big move. That's right, I'm officially homeless now, living out of my suitcase, sleeping on the floor of my friends living room. It was a great struggle, a night of deprived sleeping packing and hauling big ass furniture and cleaning and scrubbing.

But we got it all done eventually and we parted ways with our coogee house and our memories there. We were sad to leave it, and proud to have cleaned it up so well. Well... we 'thought' we cleaned it up cuz apparently it was not enough for our landlord.

Ah anyone remember where the clip above came from? heheh, anyways my landlord called me the next day, and I thought she was calling to say I forgot something. Oh such hurtful words she said to me, to the extent that I almost cried that day. Yeah, I'm a pussy. We didn't clean the house well enough, "the house was an absolute crock" "I am very dissappointed with you boys, expected so much more from you"

Man, thought about that phone call the whole day. Never had anyone yell or scold me like that before. Spoiled my mood, and didnt even get to enjoy my trip to paramatta yesterday. Well, todays a new day, went over to the landlords place just now, but she wasn't home. Made my apologies to dear old archie, offered our help to clean up whats left. I feel alittle better to apologize in person. I felt more sorry for Archie (the landlords husband) than angela (landlord).

Now I'm at the UNI library, trying to print my etickets. My mood has lifted a little, hopefully i can enjoy my last few days here without worrying about my landlord and the coogee house. Gonna go to the zoo later, and hang around it the city. Can't wait to get hooome.

Home soon...

2009-11-16T08:26:00.003+11:00

Today is my last day of studying, tomorrow is my last xam. My heads in the clouds and all I can think of is fooling around, shopping, playing video games, packing, and boarding that plane. But, i have to clear my head of those thoughts for now and concentrate on well testing... 60% of the course. Ughhh....

Well, coming home means I have to do attachment and suddenly I am reminded of what happened last attachment which does not make me look forward to it:

If you guys ever wonder what my life as an engineer will be like, just read dilbert, he describes our life perfectly. Thats it for now, wish me luck! XD

Cravings

2009-11-13T16:33:00.001+11:00

I have an exam tomoro, dont judge me. :p

Quelqu'un ma dit

2009-11-10T10:48:00.004+11:00

Ah....love the french language, how beautiful and soothing. To quote the Merovingian from Matrix revolutions:

Merovingian: French is the best language to swear in. [stream of curses]
Merovingian: It's like wiping your ass with silk.

A plus tard! <which means I want a plaster

Clarity?

2009-11-08T20:09:00.001+11:00

Sorry for the lack of updates, actually made a string of video blogs but my laptop finally died on me and updating from my itouch. My laptop hasn't fully died, just the Internet function, can't connect and cAn't do shit with it except watch series and revise past year PDF files.

Things has been okay for me lately I guess. Still haven't kicked my habit, seemed to have intensified though. I chalked it up to the stress of studying but as my friend so clearly put it: you're addicted. Not proud of myself at all, but it eases the pain. Yeah, I'm being dramatic, but it works for me in some way. I'm not as restless and depressed as before. Instead of crying in a corner, I'm a stoned out Zombie. Which works better? I like the latter, cuz it makes me happy, even if it's just an instant. Yeah I don't know why I'm trying to justify myself here... Am I looking for acceptance? I shouldn't be... God I'm pathetic

Life is moving on for you I guess and I'm happy for you. Just wish you'd tell me what you're thinking instead of leaving me out in the dark like you always do. Protecting me or yourself, I never really know. Tired of being the one who tries too hard, wish you would too. I've done my part.

From my itouch~

Vblog attempt #1

2009-10-30T23:40:00.005+11:00

So he was bored...

Side notes:

Jogging by the beach always leaves me in a sense of awe
Still keeping up with my random acts of kindness promise. Helped a lost russian tourist find his way to Coogee.
My mood swings are destructive
Everyday, you disappoint me more and more.

Kenangan terindah

2009-10-29T22:43:00.003+11:00

I'm out of the house and moving! Surprise!!! Awesome action shot of me there trying to get to the frisbee. Well, it looks awesome to me anyway. haha, went to my fourth years beach gathering at Bondi beach this afternoon, had tons of fun. Played a couple of beach games: frisbee toss, volleyball, that slipper game. Sucked at most of them as I do with most sports, but had fun nonetheless. Did the coogee to bondi beach walk before that, saw some amazing beach art (don't have the pictures). Got ganged up on and buried in the sand too, seems people love burying me this year.

Can't believe its the end of the year ready. Had a blast with these guys these past two years, and its kind of sad to know that I'm not going to see their faces anymore next year. We will have these memories as keepsakes I guess. Bittersweet day, a good day well spent. Ended it with a trip to Bondi Westfield where we gorged down on a tub of tropical fruit sorbet flavoured gelato. Would like to wish all them tons of luck after they graduate and move on to bigger and better things.

Familiarity

2009-10-28T11:46:00.002+11:00

Found this pic online, it's called conversation between old friends.

I am so grateful for meeting all these faces and warm souls throughout my surprisingly short life here on this world. The sad thing is that the bonds you make with them don't last that lifetime. I guess, that's why family is important to me, regardless who I meet, where I go, what I do, I know there someplace I can go to and someone there who knows me and will take care of me. I can meet a thousand people, go to a thousand places, but I really do appreciate a familiar face, an old friend that doesn't change. Thanks for the familiarity, thought I lost everyone, still glad I've got you somehow.

Unproductiveness

2009-10-26T21:41:00.004+11:00

Woke up late again today, still suffering post-HYSYS insomnitisis.... hahah. For those who don't know, HYSYS was the name of the program been using for my big report had a week back, which caused a few sleepness nights for me. Hopefully i can sleep early tonight, really wanna jog in the morning where there is less people and its not too hot.

Took me awhile to get out of bed, it was raining outside, so it was a really good day to stay in. Managed to pull myself out to do some much needed grocery shopping. Finally restocked my chicken supply after 2-3 weeks of cheap takeouts, meegoreng and vegetarian nasi goreng. My wallet took a hit, but at least I have confidence that I can open the fridge or pantry and actually have food inside for once.

Yeah...I'm using google images sorry, kinda lame in my opinion but I don't have any good pictures to upload. Just trying to make the posts alittle more lively. I got pictures, but I have to search for my camera wire, copy them into my hardrive, resize them, contrast it balbalbal, loads of work for little payoff. Google takes a few minutes and a copy of a link and tadaaa, cute kitten, happy feelings, payoff. Simple as that. I can even find an image for me being suicidely depressed:

Ta-daa.

hahah, yeah, cute kittens, don't suite me.

Rain rain rain

2009-10-26T04:44:00.002+11:00

Started running again today. It's been ages since I last went jogging out by the beach. The air was wet after the rain, and it was an hour before sunset, so it wasn't hot either. Hearing the waves crash on the rocks and my sneakers making that squishy sound as I tread on the wet terrain is quite soothing to me. I spent a majority of the time walking though, because I could only run for so long. Out of shape and out of breath too easily... guess thats the consequence of filling up your lungs with too much cancer sticks.

I took a new path today and headed as far as the headlands after Gordons bay. That was my second time there, but the sight still takes my breath away. I was thinking of treading on further but it was getting dark. As I ran back down the wooden walkways, I was suddenly reminded of my trip to Belalong back in my high school years. The sound when your foot steps on wet planks of wood, and the wet calm environment. Really wished somebody was there to watch this with me, can't believe that I only have a few weeks left before I move away from Coogee. Should have taken advantage of my close proximity to the beach. Gonna make the most of the last weeks before the move. Maybe can run as far to Bondi the next time.

End of Semester 2 2009

2009-10-25T17:34:00.002+11:00

It's been tough but here I am, at the end of semester. Finished off my final report and presentation and all I have left is my final exams. No more UNI, no more sitting in the computer labs for hours till no end, no more waking up early and no more stressing out. I have some time to let my head settle... and thing are certainly clearing up from the daze I've been in.

Still waiting on news of my ticket back home, I wish they'd tell me soon if they're getting it or not. The wait is killing me and I really hope to go back through Singapore this time with my friends. Really can't wait to head home. Don't know what to expect back home after all that's happened, but I just had enough of Sydney at the moment.

Don't know what else to say, I could go all emo if I wanted to, but I don't want to put myself in that mindset right now. Just wanna kick back and enjoy the free time, the little raindrops, the mellowness. Cheers

500 days of summer

2009-10-10T22:41:00.006+11:00

Awesome movie, parallels in the movie with my life here and there made me love it even more. Go and watch it. :D

yeah... I'm a sucker for these indie love stories...owh and the soundtrack is awesome too

Tetap ku mencari...

2009-10-08T18:09:00.001+11:00

Sampai akhirnya nanti, untuk yang satu, yang memahami apa itu cinta yang memang dluar pndapatanku,

One more month

2009-10-04T13:01:00.009+11:00

Barely a month left till my finals and I'm able to go home. Feels like I've been gone for ages... my short visit last time felt so rushed. Hopefully BSP issues me my ticket soon so I can book it, but so far they've been ignoring my messages and email so I'm feeling a little frustrated. I've been missing my family a lot lately and I"m just sick of UNSW and Sydney. Been everywhere, done everything(thats affordable) there is to do in the CBD. Saving up for a grand road trips and explorations next year so there is no point really of me staying. And staying in Sydney alone is such a bummer.

Moving out of the coogee house after the end of my semester finals and putting all my stuff in storage. Really gonna miss this place, so many great memories with my housemates and it was a really great house with the only downside being its distance from uni.

Moving to campus next year, paying almost the exact same amount of rent. It's 5 dollars more per week, but at least its right next to my School of Petroleum where I'll be doing most of my work for final year thesis. Walking home to coogee everyday leaves me exhausted and when I reach my room, I've already lost my mood to do work. Gotta work hard...

Anyways, just felt like talking, surrounded by people, but I still feel so lonely. Don't really know why, my emo side getting the best of me. To whom it matters, happy belated raya aidilfitri, its the same old for me here in Sydney, only diff is that on the 2nd day, went on a road trip to Canberra for the Brunei High Com open house. Loads of fun, Canberra is like a mini Brunei.

Oh yeah, thanks for the birthday wishes, really appreciate them. My facebook was flooded with greets, surprised to see so many. Celebrated my Birthday at my juniors raya gathering. Was kinda expecting them to surprise me with a cake, but still was still genuinely surprised when they turned off the lights halfways through the festivities and emerged with the cake. Really appreciate, best birthday ever, love you guys.

What else is there to mention? Oh yeah, I went on a culture club trip to Australia Royal National Park, 2nd oldest National Park in the world. Great fun, trekking, hiking, canoeing. Didn't take much pictures, so I stole this of my friend Chee Hwa's facebook page.

Some awesome stories to tell bout this place. Makes me more pumped up for my big road trip next year I'm planning. Australia is a great place to explore, just need some mates to share the car rental costs with ya. Hopefully all goes well.

Well, that was nice, haven't uploaded pics here for a long long time. Hooking up the camera to my computer is such a pain. Well, thats all for now, gotta get back to my petrophysics assignment. I'll leave you with Sia and her cover of Britney Spear's Gimme More.

The wet Saturday Morning

2009-10-03T10:14:00.003+10:00

Following last weeks series of duststorms, hot dry weather, it was welcoming to wake up this morning and hearing the rain drizzling on the wooden balcony at the side of my room. The cool wet air blowing in to the room brings back memories of home. Can't wait to go back to Brunei...

My fruitless endeavours

2009-10-01T14:12:00.002+10:00

More and more I realise what a waste it all was... expected too much from you.

A little push

2009-09-27T15:55:00.002+10:00

Now and then I think of those times

and wonder if they were ever real

your smile sincere, your laugh unforced

those fleeting moments where you were not afraid to look me in the eye

those promises...our promises...

I stepped back and teetered on the edge

I closed my eyes and held my breath hoping to sense your warm embrace

but it never came, all I felt was the icy chill of the air as I fell through it

and as i opened my eyes, all I could see was the figure of yourself growing smaller and smaller

until it disappeared over the towering cliff of the past

In the blackness, I thought it was gone, I wished for it to be so...

i blanked out every memory and every wish

I rubbed it out in pure spite

Every ounce of sadness I would have felt in doing so was numbed out with a breath of smoke

Every tiny feeling of guilt lagged far behind as I ran away as fast as my weary legs could take me

Everying was stripped away till only a pale shadow of myself was left

He promised me I would live life the way I wanted, without regret

His promises were the one I trusted, cause though he failed constantly, I knew he was trying

and that was all that mattered, all that I could care for right now...

You may abandon me, step on my pride and spit on my sincerity

I will live as I am

A dog licked me

2009-09-14T07:13:00.003+10:00

and the first thought on my mind was: "hm...dapat ku buka puasa ni!"

Lol, I was talking to my landlord's daughter who was taking out bear (thats the name of the dog) for a walk. Bear decides it would be appropriate for him to lick my bare leg and walk between and around my legs. I was trying so hard not to have a look of pure horror on my face while talking.

It was not that bad anyway, the world didn't end. Had do the wash, which was more disgusting. Chee Hwa (my chinese housemate) couldn't help smirk while watching me pour soil mixed water all over my leg. Me and bear have a good history of annoying each other. He would wake me up early in the morning by barking uncontrollably. I would get him back by banging on the window while he sleeps waking him up. Now I have to think of a way of getting him back for licking me...should I lick him back? Nah...too weird.

Midterm Break

2009-09-05T05:00:00.002+10:00

Today is the first day of my 10 day mid-sem break. Up till yesterday, my life has basically been a blur of lectures, non-stop assignments and tests. Fasting month has also taken its toll on me making it much harder to concentrate in uni and making me exhausted by the end of the day, I don't get to recap on the days uni work or get ahead in my assignments and night studies. I really wanted get back to my prayers, and neglecting them during Ramadhan makes me feel even more worse about myself. To top it off, my three month allowance is already a week overdue, and I am in debt to alot of people, most espcially my mom. It kills me inside that I have to borrow money from my parents when I know they really need it back home. So up to this point, I have been exhausted, unfufilled and depressed.

Its been harder this time as I have pushed myself away from those I'd usually go to when I need support. I don't know if its pride or stupidity, but I can't make that first move anymore. Those days where I would eagerly jump to the beat and pursue what I wanted is all but a distant memory. I just hurts too much sometimes when I try too hard. There's that feeling at the back of my head that makes me so scared and so afraid that things will fall all around me again. I self-analyse myself and my faults to a point where I would just break down. I need this mid-sem break not just to catch up with my missed work, I also need to catch up with myself. Running around in too many directions, I need to find the right one and stick to it.

I want to also apologize for everything I've done wrong up to this point. I'm sorry, I wish I was a better person, I wish I could make everything right again if they ever were right in the first place. Love you guys.

Lecturing

2009-08-31T11:17:00.000+10:00

I am now in my well testing lecture trying to take in what happened in my well testing class that just finished.

Let's see, I could do the questions which I studied for, but could' t do the questions on the topic I skipped. Hmm... Conclusion, studying actually works. Bwah

Been checking my bank account every 5 mins. Allowance was supposed to come out 2 days ago... Cana in sungkai ni? Rumah knda bmakanan, LOL. Die lah...I wanna go back to Brunei and remember what it was like to eat actual food,

Well Testing...

2009-08-31T03:27:00.001+10:00

is a bitch.

Derive radius of investigation and list out the reservoir and fluid properties which determine it.... blablabla....

How much is this worth....10%.... meh....

Quiet Nights

2009-08-28T01:05:00.002+10:00

Reclusiveness has taken ahold of me lately. Can't even bother to go on msn sometimes, and barely talk to my coursemates as much as before. Something in me is just sick and tired... I feel like I can't be myself in front of these people. I can't believe I'm at a point where I'm embaressed and ashamed to be who I am and not knowing why exactly. I'm turning into one of those people who is so self-concious around people. Where the hell did this vulnerability come from?

I don't know, dissappointment in myself and in people I guess. Nothing is ever good enough. Funny thing is that, when I reach home and sit around with my housemates, that nagging feeling just fades away. I feel safe here in the Coogee house. No one judging you, looking down on you, throdding on you and using you and throwing you away like used toilet paper. That's why this is my home I guess, this is why I still live here despite the high rent and tiring distance from uni. We all need a little love sometimes.

Mindless babble to sooth my overflowing mind, please bare with me. Nights here are peaceful, and quiet. Sometimes too quiet for my tastes. Back in Brunei, I'm used to the TV loudly playing from the living room and my cousins running around. Occasionally, my housemates make a ruckus, and that usually puts me at peace. I've learned to get through those quiet moments though, learned it quite recently too. What happens is, when it gets too quiet, I start to think too much and it'll take me ages to sleep. Restlessness seems to be cured by calm controlled deep breathing. Learned it through yoga of all things. Started doing yoga at Fitness First (putting that expensive gym membership to use) and its more about breathing than bending yourself in unimaginable positions. I incorporated that during one of my restless nights and it worked well.
It was a weird thing to do but...hey...it worked..... thank you yoga.

Anyways, to sum it up, I hate myself, I have trouble sleeping, I'm doing yoga. hahah, pretty weird post. Sorry ;)

This woman's work

2009-08-24T19:18:00.002+10:00

Daymn.... lawa brabis this song:

Lyrics Maxwell lyrics

Was watching the so you think you can dance American show on TV few mights ago. When they performed the dance to this song, it was soo lawa maan. It was for breast cancer awareness or sumtin. Lawalah, search for it on youtube. I know, what's a guy like me doing watching so you think you can dance. hahah, boring wah! Oh crap, australian idol's on, see ya. =p

Ah, L'Amour

2009-08-22T20:15:00.001+10:00

This video explains alot! LOL

Updated

2009-08-16T11:20:00.002+10:00

Heya guys, what your seeing are the first two pages of my comic GOTS. Posted it to accompany the new look of my blog. Decided to make this more of an art blog, express myself through drawings and comics seems to make me feel alittle better. hahah, cheers.

Room service please

2009-07-22T19:06:00.001+10:00

Last semesters mess still occupying my study space. I actually got lots of free time this semester, but surprisingly still haven't managed to clean up. 
Haha, so much on my to do list right now. As evident by my stagnant blog space. I'm just really lazy. I really need to upgrade the look of my blog. Haven't changed it in ages. Gotta pick up my tablet and start creating again. So many haven'ts and gottas. Lol

Keeping myself busy and have to concentrate. Not gonna fall down this time. ;)

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER!!!!

2009-06-24T06:26:00.003+10:00

Booya, the teaser finally came out and its looking great. The music is dead on with the series. M.Night is gonna do a great job adapting this!

Three more!

2009-06-23T09:26:00.003+10:00

3 more xams and I'm freeeee!!!! BOOOOYAAAAA

Pocohontas is hot

2009-06-22T08:02:00.002+10:00

To the disney fans out there, found this on my daily youtube procrastination cycle. The original ending for pocohontas animated movie. Pretty cool, and wondered what it would look like if they actually kept it in the original release.

Oh and yeah, i think she's hot. The hottest disney character ever... Angelina Jolie's lips.. I wanna bite it. hahahah

Dearly Beloved

2009-06-21T12:20:00.003+10:00

Man.. watching this guy play is so inspiring..

Ada feel wah ya main atu! Wish I could buy a piano and learn to play but its waaay too expensive. Me and my friend stumbled upon a music instrument shop while wandering around Pitt street yesterday. It was huge shop filled with classical and modern instruments. Hearing all the other customers testing it out those instruments was really cool.

We went to the grand piano section and looking at the price for one is like... *dies*

Beauty costs ya I guess. hahah

It's GEO...got it memorized?

2009-06-19T20:12:00.003+10:00

I am a lover of geography, but I am not a lover of Petroleum Geography.... I can't tell you how much I despise this course. It's not because of the content, there is some interesting stuff in there, but if you have a sucky lecturer and an even suckier assessment system, you'll feel the same hatred I am feeling. HE expects us to memorize all that and write them out in less than two hours. It's a fucking joke.

Ah well... just can't wait for this to be over so I can get back to studying the more important stuff. Wish me luck you guys.

Assalamualaikum

Getting my head around

2009-06-18T01:32:00.002+10:00

It's late at night... I've been neglecting my studies as usual. Some habits die hard I guess no matter how hard I try to change myself. I just watched the season finale of Ugly Betty, and man... I actually turned the tube on to cheer myself up with some laughs but it ended up with me feeling more down. Season finale was a tear jerker... no I didn't cry, but that last episode hit so many emotional strings, close to the heart, I just felt so... blah...

It was all about changes, making tough decisions, the people you love and the life you choose for yourself. First of all habits die hard, and I get into this rut where I spiral into this place where I know I shouldnt be. Yeah, you heard this all before and I'm repeating myself. I still never did find my even footing. The state I'm in now, all the footholds have eroded off and I keep slipping of the edge. Methaphors... poetic ain't it?

I'm not really sure what I wanted to say here. I'm a jackass... I'm fucked up loser who doesn't deserve shit. I"m surrounded by all these people but I just feel so worthless around them all, I still feel so alone in the end. I don't know if I'm angry at you or myself. I keep hoping, I end up with nothing and the cycle repeats it self. I changed myself to be better with no success and still end up pushing everyone away.

Ugh...my brain hurts...

Gift of The Sun - Another Day

2009-06-15T10:31:00.004+10:00

The beauty of study period, including my lack of commitment to actually study during study period, is the amount of free time I gain. Getting so much free time is usually quite a shock for me, especially after such a busy semester, that I get overwhelmed by it. Overwhelmed by free time you ask? Yes, I get overwhelmed to such an extent, I end up doing nothing because I spend most of the time contemplating what to do.

Yeah I'm a weirdo, but I did manage to get one thing done, and it's one of my works for my comic - Gift of the Sun:

Click on the picture to see full view. It turned out so much different than I initially planned, well that's what happens with most of my plans anyway. I hate it when that happens, that's why I rather do things spontaneously which can be annoying to some people but is more enjoyable and fufilling. Today, my spontaneous activity will be actually showering (first time in two days) and go to the library and study. Not exactly spontaneous and fun but.... well, at least I'm doing something today.

Exams are still my top priority, gotta do something right this time. Assalamualaikum

*edit*

Guess my fullview of the picture isn't working, lol. Just click on my deviantart button on the below right to view it. Owh yeah, also forgot to tell you about these set of videos:

Really beautiful work if you ask me. This guy uses sounds and clips from the movie and mixes them. REally creative and it really sounds so magical. Listening to his clips the whole time I was drawing and painting. Check it out ayte!

One down!

2009-06-13T19:30:00.001+10:00

Booya, one down. Celebrate with overpriced chicken in chili that wasnt that nice. XD

First Xam

2009-06-13T13:14:00.001+10:00

GEOS xam in an 40 mins, gwaaa

Winter supplies

2009-06-12T14:59:00.001+10:00

My very large care package finally arrived today. Snacks and underwear. Thanks ma, love you all so much. <3

Super sandwich

2009-06-11T14:41:00.001+10:00

Kes malas masak.

I am destroying myself...

2009-06-09T23:12:00.002+10:00

I shouldn't take second chances so lightly...
I am ungrateful...

I never learn from old mistakes...
I am jealous...

I avoid seeing my true self...
I am scared...

I think too much
I am destroying myself

Fight against time

2009-05-25T21:24:00.001+10:00

Deadlines, tests and exams non-stop. Feel like my brains gonna explode...

Sydney or Bust

2009-05-24T13:13:00.001+10:00

Finished all our stops, done the final quiz and now on the bus ride back to sydney. Its been great, part of me doesnt want to go back just yet. Gotta face my fears but after everything thats happened., id think having the title coward is no problem with me. Im fucking human, a very worn out one.

To greener pastures

2009-05-24T10:09:00.001+10:00

Beautiful morning of our last day of the field trip. All our bags are packed, left our campsite and heading to our final few stops before heading back to sydney.

The picture above is from my first stop. This is my first time experiencing good warm sunny weather during the trip. It complemented the surrounding scenery. We're studying the formations outcropping at the coast. Next to us was a huge empty field and to our suprise grazing cows appeared near the end of our study. Cute furry things.

Into the swamplands

2009-05-23T15:38:00.001+10:00

On the way to our last stop for today. Been to climb waterfalls and waded through swamp. Interestingly enough, the swamp is a huge skin of peat(dead organic matter) floating on water. You would sink in if you didnt take care of what you're stepping on.

As a sovenier to my swamp visit, i'm now drying out my wet socks and resisting the cold creeping up my soggy jeans. Having fun, wonder what's next?

Carrington Falls

2009-05-23T12:36:00.001+10:00

One of the stops today. Carrington falls, landform resulting from million of years of weathering and erosion of Sydneys massive hawkesbury sandstone formation. See, i know some shit! Lol, its massive formation, the valley was left behind, simply impressive. We hiked right to the top of the waterfall. Keep thinking of those movies where people jump of the falls. This is eye candy for me.

Field trip dy 3- jamberoo

2009-05-23T08:56:00.001+10:00

Its early morning and we're driving up (and down) the familiar winding hillside roads of jamberoo. Not going to jamberoo park this time though, gonna be studyin some soil structures on the jamberoo hillslopes. Yeah, soil is interesting!

At breakfast overheard a conversation and found out a guy actually dropped his eng degree to pursue geology bcoz of this awesome life altering trip. I envied him... I wish i had that option. Only have today and tomorow and its back to black gold trade on monday, effin great.

Ill post summore stuf l8er. Cheers!

Exploring the world

2009-05-22T17:16:00.001+10:00

Posting sumtin while theres still reception. Currently on dy 2 of my geos field trip. Been goin down south the coastlines of sydney, drudging the wet n cold weather. Its been great so far, loving it. Too bad this isnt wat im doing for a living. Siigh, a little taste of my geologist dream.

Scenery here is absolutely beautiful and breathtaking. Cant upload all photos at once, limitations of using a phone. Ill upload bits and pieces when i can. Two bars left, better upload this nw. Lol, cheers!

Rindu

2009-05-20T08:44:00.001+10:00

Still cant grasp why im doing this and why its so hard.

If only

2009-05-19T16:22:00.001+10:00

Nuff said

jaga, ada babi mlintas

2009-05-10T14:38:00.001+10:00

STOP STARING AT ME, I HAVE NO MONEH FOR YOU!!!

Uh oh

2009-05-07T07:24:00.001+10:00

I think i left my earphones in the pockets of my jeans...which is now going through a spin cycle... CRAP

Keeping warm

2009-05-06T00:06:00.001+10:00

Brought back my heater frm storage at hafizs plc after my tempory fan heater decided it rather be an airconditioner. Gonna pull an all nighter for res eng, hopefully i can stay awake.

Study smart

2009-05-05T12:24:00.001+10:00

Xams in an hour and 45 minutes. Takin a break frm studyin nw. Right now im feeling like i just want to get it over and done with. Sad thing is i still have to study for res eng, petroleum geology and geos sedimentary environments. Also have a stupid online quiz due after that and a petroleum economics test and two assignments, two presentations due the week after.

Call me crazy but i think this is kinda fun. Gotta keep challenging myself like the old days. Bwahaha, im going to destroy you and show you my true potential.

The rainy mornings

2009-05-05T07:55:00.001+10:00

Such a lazy morning today. Cold and wet, the ideal sleeping conditions. Still contemplating whether to skip lectures or not. Maybe i'll just come a little late. Yeah, wait for the rain to let up. Heheh

Im wandering why im worried about what you think of me. I dont know why i care for such self centered self righteous ass kissers. Am i hurt or just tired of trying too hard? Thinking about it makes my blood boil.

Right now, i just waot to think nothing of you.

DOTA nerds

2009-05-04T21:24:00.001+10:00

9pm, ceic revision going suprisingly well. My housemates filling their time playin dota. Time which could be better spent cleaning those dishes in the sink. Lol

Trying not to ditter from my Study mode but my heads startin to get muddled up again. Have to take the advice my friend passed on just now. Dont think too much and just go for it. Ya Allah, give me strength.

You are so full of it

2009-05-04T14:47:00.001+10:00

Ceic - chemical engineering is CHIIBAAI.

My second closet

2009-05-04T09:01:00.001+10:00

Lifes been crazy, ive been crazy. Mental meltdown. Hope i get through this time. Otw to uni right nw, hopefully to study in the library not sleep. Three tests in a row, must be strong. Doing this for you, hope its appreciated.

Inda tahan drumah.

2009-05-03T01:36:00.001+10:00

Well, in my defense, i was stressed after a stupid ceic quiz and i did study a few hours of res eng.

Headed to the city and joined up with my housemates n yamin n wani. Watched wolverine, ate at sushiroll, scolded and yelled at a taxidriver (lol) and had a yum caramelatte at gj.

Been awhile since i hung out like that in the city. It was fun, wish i could go out as often. But its time to study! Oh, im posting from my phone which is uber awesome!

Staying at home to study...RIIIGHT!

2009-05-02T22:17:00.001+10:00

Wolverine and sushi.

I want to scream...

2009-05-02T16:01:00.003+10:00

yes...I want to scream, because of stress? No... well maybe it IS because I'm stressed, but what I really want is to scream because of watching a good horror movie. After the lameness of "Coming soon", I'm really itching for a good horror movie. There hasn't been any good ones lately. But after some new news that popped up over the past week and my awesome habits of youtubing when I'm suppose to be studying, I have uncovered not one but 3 new horror titles based on the popular Ju-On (Grudge) Franchise. That's right, NEW GRUDGE MOVIES!!! I'm soooo happy!

Above: Two new Japanese Ju-On movie. Sorta a new take on the original movie. Not directed but supervised by the original director. Looks awesome, can't wait.

Above: A trailer for Grudge 3, the sequel to the american version of Grudge. Dunno if its real or not, something fan-made about it. But, looks kinda cool. And I liked the american grudge movies despite what people say about americanized J-horror flicks. I'm looking forward to this one

Above: I was so surprised. A JU-ON VIDEO GAME? And it looks freaky and scary as hell. But its for the Wii and I dun't have a Wii (sounds wrong). The game is called "FEEL". Why are all the good horror games on the wii? ISNT THAT SUPPOSE TO BE A FREAKIN KIDS CONSOLE. Now wii has Umbrella Chronicles and Darkside Chronicles (RE on rail shooter games), Silent Hill remake, and Fatal Frame 4. Siiiigh

Anyways... anyone knows any good horror movies that I can download. hahah, STUDY BAH DEE!

I can sleep now

2009-04-27T18:32:00.006+10:00

I woke up today from a dream, and it was different. It was different cause I realised I haven't had a dream in a long long time. So, a lingering thought stayed with me that day, have I lost myself so much that I've forgotten how to dream?

Something else had been different today, I was awake for once. It was strange... I was aware of the world around me and not tired. A familiar side of me had suddenly reappeared, and I was glad. Then I thought about what I'd done and what had happened to have gotten me to this point. I remembered the dream I had, and it was about you. And I realised I never had this dream before. We were talking face to face, and we picked up the conversation where we left off. You were clearing me off the doubts I've been having ever since. You were giving me an answer, and I was happy. I can't remember whether it was the answer I wanted or not, but I was just happy I got an actual answer. I didn't have to wander, I didn't have to tear myself apart anymore.

So I felt free, and though it was just a dream, I'm happier for some reason. I've been sleeping better, and I'm living better now...I guess. Still a lot of work to do. Maybe it's Allah telling me to get back to normal. Allah has been too kind lately, and I haven't thanked him too much. Thank you so much.

Random wishes

2009-04-24T10:32:00.001+10:00

I wish I have new jeans
I wish I have new sneakers
I wish I could wake up for once without feeling so tired
I wish I could raise up my marks
I wish I wasn't so lazy
I wish my work would actually mean something
I wish I made better choices in life
I wish I was a better Muslim
I wish I could love and be loved
I wish I could not hate and envy
I wish I could sleep and not wake up

I wish wishings would actually mean something

thanks

2009-04-18T00:43:00.002+10:00

... for making me feel like an idiot.

A shell of her former self

2009-04-16T17:37:00.002+10:00

She was my everything. I held her close to me everyday that I could. I felt her warmth with my fingertips. She was so beautiful.... I could have stared at her beauty forever, we talked with each other for ages, she never let me down. We sing songs and listen to music together. She'd tell me what songs were playing and even though I had no clue, she'd always know what it was. I loved her for that. We had a connection... and I believed it would last forever.

Then that faithful night came, and the whole world came crashing down on us. The winds were blowing hard, we were caught in the middle of a huge downpour. We fought through those heavy rains, the turbulant waters nearly swept us away. It was dark, wet and cold. She struggled through, I didn't think she could bare it anymore. I brought her home as fast as I could. I rested her on my bed, she was weak, but her bright smile still shone through the dark. I thought everything was going to be okay. I collapsed in exhaustion, and fell asleep in the middle of the living room.

I woke up on my own the next day. It was strange... she was usually the one to wake me up. There was an eerie quietness as the pale ray of sunlight peeked through the tiny openings in the curtains. Then I remembered last night, and I ran back to my bed. There she was, lying lifeless. My heart sank as I picked her up. She was unresponsive to my pleas. I held her tightly and begged her to wake up. It was too soon for her to go, we had only done so much together. I cried out to my housemates for help. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, as my sadness and fear of her loss started to came over me.

She was gone they said. She didn't make it. She had swallowed too much water. Memories of the time we spent together flashed through my head. I didn't want to let her go! I opened the curtains and let a flood of warm light fill the room and over my bed where she lay. She is cold, I thought, she just needs to be warm. The sun is shining, I told her, you have to wake up. My friends shook their heads and left me waiting for her to wake up.

I waited for hours, she remained unresponsive and cold. In a desperate attempt to revive her, I used a heating device to warm her. I felt the warm air rising from the bed, the heat engulfing me and her. Suddenly, there was a response... a tiny one, but I knew from that second she was alive. I put down the hairdryer and jumped for joy. MY MOBILE PHONE IS STILL ALIVE!!!!

But alas, this crazy tale does not have a happy ending. She came back to life, but she lost her memory. She doesn't remember who I am or any of our friends. I will care and nurture her and try to bring her back to her former self. Our love for each other kept her alive, and we will keep on living no matter what. BOOOYA!

Movie Preview (old post)

2009-04-14T17:49:00.003+10:00

hahah, look at me, I'm actually posting something!

This was half-written during summer in sydney:

Heya you guys, I got an urge to blog today. Problem is that my life isnt that much interesting to blog about as of late. Owh, I had my maple computing test yesterday. Wassat you ask? Its a maths computing test. Using a computer program to solve calculus and algebra problems, not sure if they have that in UBD or not. I thought I did okay, some of the programming language seemed to not work as its supposed to, but hopefully I passed this test. I also have a normal handwritten calculus test tomorrow, so wish me luck.

Anyways, other than the fact that I've been doing maths all this summer, what else have I been doing? That's the first thing people ask me and I'll give them almost the same answer everytime: Aku drumah saja. They would in turn say "what? why? you're in sydney man! go and enjoy yourself!!!" I would then say, "eh, I'm here to study not have fun!" but dalam hati, I would say; "I have no money to go out and have fun, :("

Sydney is a pretty expensive place city, heck its one of the most expensive places in the world to live in. Yeah, I got an allowance from shell, but more than half of than goes to rent and bills, and another quarter goes to food supplies. If I'm not careful with the final quarter of that allowance can be spent in less than a week. So I save my money, I try to anyway. This summer most of my friends have gone home so I dont have much reason to go out really.

So I'm stuck at home, and what do I do? Well, I have internet and my Ps3. But lately, I dont have the mood to play any of those stupidly expensive games I bought for my ps3. This is quite weird, cause I was an avid gamer in my teens (no, I'm not a counter-stike guy), but I always buy loads of pirated games at one go when I go out. Maybe it's because in the playstation days, the games were actually fun compared to the ones you have now which are basically clones and rehashes of one another. I should make a post about games one of these days.

Anyways, I'm a movie guy, I love it and try to watch a movie every week. Usually, I download TV series since I'm stuck at home most of the time, but what makes suckier about summer break is that tv series takes summer breaks as well. So I have to wait a whole month before new episodes of ugly betty, heroes, terminator, pushing daisies start. I've been watching friends and scrubs a lot though lately and I recently bought a blu-ray version of heroes season 1, which is I have got to say still awesome.

Oh yeah, I was talking about movies, and I wanted to talk about a movie I've been keeping track of since it was announced feew years back. The movie I'm referring to is of course, TERMINATOR SALVATION!

**** end***

Wow... I never really finish what I start, do I? Well, though a few months has pasts, this post is still relevant. Well, pushing daisies has been cancelled, and terminator sarah connor chronicles has reached its could be final episode (the episode was so awesome btw!), but fortunately, terminator salvation hasn't premiered yet, so I can still give you my two cents on it.

Awesomeness right? If you guys noticed, this is where I first found out about the NIN song (the day the whole world went away) that's playing on the blog at the moment. The cover of the song in the trailer is great! But, I'm not here to talk about the song, I'm here to talk about the movie.

I became a hardcore terminator fan ever since I bought terminator 2 dvd. Yes, I watched it before, but I watched it at a younger age where I didn't understand a whole lot. I bought the dvd when I had 'intelligence' so to speak, and it was also my first DVD 9, the closest you could get to HD at the time. I fell in love with it, the characters, the story, the eye candy. Eventually I bought the first terminator dvd as well, and I loved that even more. When you compare the two, the first one had tons of drama and depth but lacked the visual wonder which is the 2nd terminator. When terminator 3 was announced, I was expecting so much more, but we all know how that movie turned out.

Terminator 3 was just a rethread of terminator 2 and seemed liked another product of high position execs making all the decisions. I wanted a movie to deepen the terminator mythology and advance it. Fortunately for me, terminator the sarah connor chronicles did that for me. And I hope that terminator salvation can do this for me as well. This movie went through so much rewrites and drama (Chris Bale and his tantrum), the director McG promising us fans so many. Let's hope it turns out well.

Salvation continues where 3 left off, the world ending. John Connor must lead mankind to salvation from the machines. The coolest thing about this movie is the fact that it takes place in the future, which we only had glimpses of in the past movies. So we can actually see a full-fledged war between man and machine. Another thing about the terminator series is the whole time-travelling aspect and its connections and consequences. This is integral to the story this time round, and I hope they can explore this properly. We'll also see how the t-800s come into being and if this movie is succesful, more terminator sequels! Another reason why I hope this movie is good, is that the future of the series (Sarah connor chronicles) also hangs on how well the movie does. Here's keeping my fingers crossed!

Goodbye Mrs.Neverlost

2009-04-13T15:21:00.003+10:00

Mrs.Neverlost, or sometimes, Ms Always lost or Ms being a bitch, just wanted to say that these past two days with you have been great. You may have been a pain sometimes, but you eventually got us to where we wanted to be. You have definately made our trip very memorable. Going to miss your monotonous upper class brit snob woman voice and your illogical instructions (turn left? INTO THE WALL?). Till we meet again madamoiselle.

~Love Hadee

Bring on the lols

2009-04-11T06:42:00.002+10:00

Easter break is here! Yahooooo, I'm going on my first road trip ever in a few hours, hope it goes well. I leave you guys with this video I found, seriously funny stuff. SEe ya guys!!!

Itouch blog post

2009-04-03T12:52:00.001+11:00

I'm in my dreadfully boring geo lecture right now. Downloaded this blogging application for $4. After two days of continuous geo tests, assignments and labs. I'm so glad the weekend is tomorrow.

-- Post From My iPhone

End of a dream

2009-03-29T22:31:00.004+11:00

Drew this a few nights ago. The product of procrastination, stress and overanalysing. Reminiscant of my older work. Gonna cg it in photoshop probably at the end of the week.

Speaking of weeks, I realised it took me a week, a week of random haircuts, self starvation, mindless scribbles and housemate torturing, but I think I'm getting back on track. For one thing, I'm sitting at my desk and actually revising for my CEIC test next week. Now, if I can only get some progress on my assignments and slides. Sigh, coffee...you are indeed my only friend.

Wander

2009-03-25T19:29:00.003+11:00

This is one of my old works, from two-three years ago I think. Havent touched my tablet in awhile, really had the urge to draw/paint something. Just couldn't find the time. Well, anyways, the devArt above is expresses exactly what I'm feeling. I'm back in a place that I thought I was finally out off. Now its clouding up everything, and everyday I feel like I'm just floating and wandering around.

Maybe uni work is getting to me. I doing 30 units this sem which is quite a lot. The normal amount is 24. Its been just 3 weeks and I'm feeling the pressure. Being back in these fruitless thoughts is not helping either. I have to get back on track... I just need to concentrate on raising my term WAMS just like I planned to do in the first place. Ya Allah... please give me strength.

Just keep swimming~

2009-03-22T21:57:00.002+11:00

When life gets you down, just keep swimming!!! XD

Sorry for lack of update; internet was down, busy with school work yatta yatta ya. heheh, I'll post somtin up soon ayte! In the meantime,

just keep swimming!

I have b*tching internet speeds, WOOT! randomness

2009-02-03T12:56:00.004+11:00

Ho ho ho, merry Tuesday everyone. Just wanted to blog something for the sake of blogging. This is also part of my ritual procrastination cycle before any exam. Find pointless things to do before actually doing the important things like REVISING. hahah, I got my maths xam tomorrow, and I really need to refresh my calculus. So far after doing 5 mins of work, I'll wander off and do something else.

Anyways, since I'm here, hi! I'm Hadee, my hair is messy and untame-able (spelling???) , I am single and haven't exercised in 2 weeks. I ate 6-8 slices of pizza last night and still felt hungry after that. I am hyped up on coffee-milo and condensed milk... I have not had my breakfast. I am listening to my old Gorillaz CD on my old ricecooker radio thingy. My mind wanders from exam panic, to 'gosh, I havent paid my bills yet' to 'YAY, AKU INDA LAMA LAGI BALIK BRUNEI'. I realised I have 10 fingers and 10 toes. ~ amazing

Well, thats my randomness rant I need to let out of me before I can fully concentrate on my work. The worst culprit of procrastination is internet, fortunately, I have exceeded my allocated bandwidth and now suffering from internet lags reminiscent to using dial-up with Simpur Cards of dulu2. I wont surf the internet cause its too annoying, which is good but I can't download the RESIDENT EVIL 5 DEMO fast enough which I've been waiting for since Monday. Guess I have to leave my ps3 on for the whole day...siiigh.

Anyways, I'm going back to my work. I can't wait for exams to end and go home. I even bought a book to read. It bought it on a whim, but it turned out to be so good, I couldnt put it down. I ended up finishing it and now I have to buy another book to read on the plane.

This is definitely a good read. Especially for Muslim students studying in a western environment. I related a lot to this guy in the book and I felt a lot better about myself after reading this. Its funny, interesting and quirky. I'D give it an 8 out of 10. It loses 2 points because of the slapped on unsatisfying ending.

HADEE IS OUTTA HEEEERE. ASSALAMUALAIKUM!!! XD

So long ago...

2009-01-31T01:11:00.001+11:00

This was taken 2 years ago at coffee zone Gadong. I miss you guys, hahah

Give me that horizon

2009-01-28T23:54:00.002+11:00

Made this ages and ages ago. I remember thinking of the future when I made this, imagining what could be over that horizon. I imagined the relaxing on the safety of the white beaches is going to end and the rough swim I coming ahead. This picture is as significant to me now as it is back then. As I am in the rough waters now, far way from those days dreaming on the beach. I have to keep my eyes set on the horizon, so this is what I have to remember the most before I drown in this confusing sea of thoughts. The reason I took that plunge, was so that I could finally reach that horizon, reach that sky.

Sorry with the endless beach, horizon metaphors. I seem to be thinking about it alot. heheh, my exams next week, wish me luck! Assalamualaikum

Little Mosque on the Prairie

2009-01-26T01:57:00.004+11:00

While I was downloading new episodes for my TV show stock, I came across a tv series called "little mosque on the prairie". It's canadian made I think and its a comedy about islamic community in a western society. Who would have thought they'd someone out there would make a westerm comedy tv series, Islam centered? Here part one of episode 1 from season 1.

Typical comedy and sometimes not accurate, but hey, its a start. And womennya belebih!!! The show is apparently in its third season.

Pumpkins

2009-01-23T22:55:00.001+11:00

~ two more weeks...

Since you asked

2009-01-21T13:30:00.001+11:00

I'm cured! Thank you drugs! =p

Missing out...

2009-01-18T23:20:00.002+11:00

Being away from the people you love and hold dear is never easy. It's also very hard to fight that feeling of loneliness and emptiness that you feel every time you think of them. Then you have to fight those crushing thoughts of whether they've forgotten you or you are starting to forget them. You get angry at yourself and at them, and soon that emptiness you felt, turns into bitter anger, regret and sorrow.

But, in the end you just have to remember. You have to reach into your mind and get a grip, fighting away those pointless self-harming thoughts and bitter feelings. Its trusting yourself basically, and having lots of faith to keep you going. Strengthen yourself and don't let the world collapse on top of you. Just keep believing its there, over that ocean, under that sky, the connection you made with each other. It'll stretches wide and thin, but that distance can't break it.... I know it won't...

Thinking of you where ever you are...

Doctors are annoying

2009-01-16T23:41:00.002+11:00

Well... I hate going to the doctors, I usually avoid them at all costs. Some of my close friends know this. I rather suffer with strange fevers for a week than go meet a doctor. I only go to the docs when I really reaaaally have to. And unfortunately, today, I had to.

Well, new year came, and what a great way to begin it with an outbreak of god knows what on my face. It started out with dry skin, then it became a tiny rash, then pimply, then painful and scabby. It spread from my cheeks to my forehead, nose and now all over my neck. I thought it was acne or just a little rash that would go away after a few days. But the rash things were itchy and after awhile painful, felt like my skin was burning. I thought I probably caught some type of bug... for awhile I even thought I got a flesh eating virus. hahah, yeah, my imagination tends to get the best of me sometimes.

So after a few days of huge discomfort and irritation, I set up an appointment with the UNI doctor. So when I got to the health centre, I had to fill a form, which I find annoying here in AUssie, cause I have to explain over and over again about my 'abnormally' long name and which parts are my first and which parts are my last. After filling them up I had to wait. One of the great pains is waiting. Cold room with my face itchy like hell, getting annoyed every time someone else gets called in and walks by you. Felt like I want to trip them over just to past the time. hahaha

Well, after the hell of a long time of waiting, the doc called my name. What made me annoyed even more was the fact that while feeling up the sheet at the beginning, they had a box there where I had to write my 'prefferred name' which is the name I'd like to be called. I put in 'Hadee' cause I preffeeeereed Hadee. I pressumed she would call me by this prefferred name, but guess what. She didn't. She called me 'AK' which was the first part of my full name. Whats the point of me writing my preffered name if she isnt even gonna call me by that name. As a mental payback, I decided to 'notice' all her faults; short, skinny, ugly. Haha :P

When I sat in her office, I hoped that she would be one of those friendly doctors who chat up a bit, and ask you bout your day. Unfortunately, she was one of those cold, its all business no eye contact, I hate human beings type doctors. She asked me whats was wrong, and I told her about the outbreak on my skin. After barely looking at me, she just said; "oh...I think you got an infection'. I so badly wanted to scream out; "NOO FREAKIN DUUUH" to her. What makes it worse, she didnt even try to ask me how I got it. I had to pry it out of her with my curious I dont know anything act. She wasnt even concerned how I got it or how I should prevent it. What kind of doctor is that? Not gonna visit her anytime soon I promise you that!

Anyways, she prescribed me antibiotics and sent me on my way. I deliberately told her it was painful and itchy during the check up, but she still didnt give me any cream for that. I wanted to leave so bad that I didnt bother asking her. Ran out of the health centre and to a pharmachy for my medicine. I also miss the convenience of Brunei's free health. Paid $15 for the antibiotics which sadly made my wallet half empty. So sad... hopefully the medicine will work and I'll be free of this itchiness and discomfort FOREVEEEEEER! WAKAKAKAK. Assalamualaikum ! ;)

Hadee needs to concentrate...

2009-01-12T22:22:00.002+11:00

Hadee needs to concentrate...

Hadee is scratching an annoyingly painful rash on his face...

Hadee needs to concentrate...

Hadee walks aimlessly around the house looking for something to clean

Hadee needs to concentrate...

Hadee surfs the net, visiting and reloading the same websites and blogpages over and over again...

Hadee needs to concentrate...

Hadee is staring blankly at a spider making a giant web outside his bedroom window...

HADEE NEEDS TO CONCENTRAAAAAATE!!!

Hopefully, Hadee is concentrating now...

A sums up of summer

2009-01-11T01:41:00.003+11:00

Well, new year has come and I've moving on to my final 3-2 weeks of summer classes. It was daunting at first. Starting the classes I felt almost at my lowest point. It was my first time being almost totally alone and far away from all I knew. Most of my friends have gone on holiday or back home for summer, and I had almost no one to turn to. Yes, it did get really boring and lonely on some days. Even going online was a mood killer cause I'd feel so low once I see or hear one of my friends enjoying themselves and/or doing the stuff that I should be doing if I didn't stupidly fail my maths in my first year.

But I coped I guess and learn to deal with my situation. I tried to stop thinking about what has passed, and I am working harder and concentrating more on my work. I actually understand what the lecturer is saying in the lectures compared to before. Alhamdullillah, the results of my first two maths class tests came in and I got 9/10 for both of them which is something I'd never thought possible. Maybe its the monotonous work reminiscent of high school brunei days. Maybe its the lighter work schedule. Maybe its the fact that I'm spending time away from people who depress me. Maybe its because I'm praying more. Maybe its all of that or none. But, whatever it is, its working for the best.

And when I think on the positive side, summer is not that bad. I actually more independant which is what I wanted when I moved over here, and I actually got to experience Sydney at some of its greatest times of the year (xmas, boxing day and new year). And I'm also so lucky that Miza and Laila, my two other friends who are stuck here in sydney, are such good sports. I travelled more and did more spontaneous stuff than with any of the other friends. Life's not meant to be spent waiting around for something to happen, and I've think I've finally understood that.

I'd like to thank Miza and Laila for keeping me company during these pass weeks. Thank you for all those random outings, rants, compulsive baking, beach combing, dog scaring, train tunnel suffocation, chair falling, bus backbiting moments that made what would have been a most stressful time for me more torable than I ever thought it would be. I'd also like to thank MsSixOhSIx for keeping me company on the net. Having someone layaning me for once is such a welcome change. Hope u are enjoying ur well deserved holiday in Brunei...or Singapore...or wherever. haha.

Anyways, sorry no pictures in this post. Pictures take too long to upload. I leave you with some art from a comic that I've been working on for awhile. Yeah, if you didnt know, I am an engineer who loves art. I'm gonna start putting some of my artwork here, cause it shows a little bit more of who I am. hehe, enjoy and assalamualaikum.